Conversation

Setting.

Pn Z is asking the whole class what stream they're in.

me, pn z

You, jacie! Ni surely pure pure PURE science la.

Malangnya.

Eh, kenapa?

I tak suka.

U nak buat apa jacie?

Er... no science, no maths, no accounts, no business...

*gives the oh-my-god-macam-manalah-budak-ini look*

S'pas tu? Fashion designer ke?

haha, cikgu, no arts.

You nak buat ERT ke? Belajar masak?

Me

Dear Jacie Tan Cheng Hwee, below are your Personality Tests result:

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Your view on yourself:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are down-to-earth

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : People like you because you are so straightforward

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like serious

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Smart

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Determined people

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You don't judge a book by its cover

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : So good-looking people aren't necessarily your style

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person

The seriousness of your love:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : So you will find yourself with plenty of dates

Your views on education:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Education is very important in life

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You want to study hard

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Learn as much as you can

The right job for you:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You're a practical person

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Will choose a secure job with a steady income

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Knowing what you like to do is important

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Find a regular job doing just that

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You'll be set for life

How do you view success:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are afraid of failure

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous

What are you most afraid of:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are concerned about your image

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : The way others see you

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : It's time for you to believe in who you are

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Not what you wear

I said I would stay away from the Internet, but it's hard. I'll comment on this when I'm officially back, because I find it interesting. Mind, I didn't say whether I find it true or not.

Bye

I'm not gonna come online anymore.

So not.

Even if it means closing my window to you.

Ambition

Scene in class

Cikgu Shafizan: Kau nak jadi apa, Jacie?

me: *mumbles*

Cikgu: Hah?

me (reluctantly): penulis...

Cikgu: Polis?

Stupid boy 1: Polis?

Stupid boy 2: Polis??

Other stupid ppl: Jacie nak jadi polis??

I don't know what I want to be.

What I want to be, and what I can be, are two entirely different things.

Financial-wise, capability-wise, opportunity-wise, reality-wise.

Today a new ambition struck me.

I suppose it was there for some time, but it never registered.

It seems as if it really could be the thing best for me, given to what I've been doing lately.

But see those four reasons above, and that's what I'll never say.

Random

Dear darlings,

I love you all.

S.A.D.

I made my first marriage proposal yesterday.

No kidding.

Sure, it was via MSN, and to my friendly prefect senior, and conditional, but still.

jacie, bob

I'm gonna open the newspaper one day in a few years' time and see your name, Bob Pitt.

Yeah, for selling weed.

Is that what you plan to do with your life, Bob? Tsk tsk tsk.

What? Green Day is into weed, and look where they are now.

Okay. Go sell weed, get rich, get famous, and marry me.

It was Valentine's Day yesterday, or more of a Singles.Awareness.Day for me.

It got to me more than I thought.

Anyway, thanks, Bob, for introducing the idea of my gorgeous knight out there waiting to find me. On a noble steed, 'cuz I'm a noble steed kinda girl, remember? No stallions or fat ponies for me, thank you very much.

Fuck you, Xin You.

I'm so bloody mad.

Merentas Desa

Form1

Physical condition: Normal

Result: Made it on time

Form2

Physical condition: Sprained ankle

Result: Could not run

Form 3

Physical condition: Normal

Result: Made it on time

Form 4

Physical condition: Flu, fever, pulled calf muscle

Result: MADE IT ON TIME, about 7 places away from being in the top 20.

I was so excited, and looking forward to merentas desa. All right, it wasn't like I practiced, me not exactly being one of the fittest people in the world, but I still looked forward to it greatly. After all, it was my second-last road run this year. My last chance to run for my house, for my school, for myself, with my friends, and fellow-schoolmates.

I really am too tired, and still not yet fully recovered, to blog more about this, though I might edit this post later. For now, I would like to thank:

Nicole Low, for gracing us with her presence even though it was her birthday

Chalystha Lee, for being my running partner

Yip Jun Wei, who egged me to run, then panicked when I did, worried that I would overreach myself

Sean Ding, who didn't take my picture because I asked him not to

Cikgu Shamsul, who on his bike kept nagging at me because I was in Red House

En. Kumaresan, who joined us in the walk and made me feel touched

And all those other people who supported me, even if I don't know who you are and you don't know who I am.

060210

I normally do this on time, but I've been busy, so super sorry, nic dear.

Anyways...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE LOW YEN YI!

It's your sweet sixteenth, yo!

If I follow that stupid song Joey always sings, it's your time to 'shine' and be 'beautiful'.

But dearie, would you accept it if I said you shine all the time?

(:

Your friendship means a lot to me.

I hope one day I'll be posting one on your Sweet Sixtieth.

Sick

I'm sick.

Sorry, lots to update, but health is needed for good writing.

Convoluted

I finally get back up properly, and then everyone around me starts bringing me down again.

It's like quicksand, I swear, it pulls you down so fast, and even when you think you're getting out, you're not.

Or drowning in a barrel of slime, even if you escape, it sticks to you, weighing you down.

Btw,

The thing is, I hate you, but I only ever just want to be like you.

Disclaimer

For the last time, certain people, I am not smart.

PMR results are scarcely a way of judging intelligence.

Calling me smart would be just an insult to all those people out there who are way smarter than me.

Want me to name a few?
I'd just start with some in my class, like chalystha and daniel and rashindra and hwa hong.

Don't insult them by calling me smart.

Today someone wrote a positive and negative trait about me.

+Extremely smart and hardworking

-Too cocky

I've already disclaimed the 'smart' bit.

But am I cocky?

Arrogant?

Am I really?

I assume I'm arrogant about my so-called smart-ness?

Well, really?

Do I go around telling people I'm smarter than them?

I don't know.
We never do see our own faults in ourselves, do we?

Maybe I am cocky.

But I'm not smart.

ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMER

This does not mean I am stupid, either.

I'm also not saying the whole world calls me smart.

(I'm just being extra careful to clarify, as Pn. Kokilam says, someone is always watching, and well, I want that someone to get it right.)

Oh, and Cha?

I'm so proud of you.