Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Thought I was going fine today, really was. I was happy and all that, even when I rushed back home at 2.30 to eat lunch and come back for Ed Board meeting, and then went home at 4 to hurry and bathe for BM tuition (which was great, fun, and for the first time, not utterly silent) at 5, which I came back from via motorbike to quickly have dinner and then go to Bandar Utama for add maths tuition at 8.30. But I'll stop there, because add maths tuition was when I stopped feeling happy. Like all sane people, they were doing Chap 1, whereas unlucky me, student of the totally insane Mr. Elvin, had finished Chap 4 and was just getting befuddled in Chap 2. I was kept aside, since I was a new student, and I felt like the kid with Down syndrome who has to be taught special lessons separately by the teacher. Ooh, btw, he's quite nice. He reminds me of my great-uncle.

I nearly died trying to figure out Chap 1 for the first time while my queries about Chap 2 went unanswered, besides no one was talking to me, and I got one of my mathematics-induced major full-on headaches.

My parents, on picking me up, insisted on taking me out for supper. Two weeks ago I would have jumped at the chance for food. Now I tried to hedge out of it, but they insisted, so I went. And I ate, and I did enjoy the food. How nice of my mom and dad. They probably noticed I was pretty screwed up lately. Well, of course they did. Crying unprovoked at dinner isn't very subtle.

But I'm improving, really I am. Things people say, or how they act around me, or what they don't say, even if they do it subconsciously or intentionally, are helping me out. Most of these people don't even know who they are. But thanks, all the same. I don't exactly like being a whiny nutcase.

Jewel, You were meant for me:

...Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause...

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